The Unwritten Healer Boundaries

Have you ever wanted a manual that simply tells you how to be the best human you can be? Have you ever wondered why your professional college has a code of conduct? Or why those codes of conducts aren’t complete?

There are so many different texts to look through and none of them are complete. We have different religious texts that talk of how to “be good”, we have our professional colleges code of conduct to handle the legality of practicing, and no one ever talks about the energetic boundaries of being a successful healer.

We have been left to piece together our own interpretation of keeping ourselves safe mentally, emotionally and spiritually while practicing. Would you believe there is an actual skill set that needs to be put in place in your practice? That skill set will also allow you to have more time with your family, make more money, and heal people so deeply it seems like magic.

 This skill set is putting in fundamental healer boundaries AND ENFORCING THEM.

When I first learned of boundaries in a formal manner, I swore that I had amazing boundaries. I was having major anxiety attacks, working myself to the bone, made myself available for patients, and let my guilt control my actions… and  I swore I had phenomenal boundaries.

That is not having boundaries. That is having an illusion of what boundaries are with no tactical skill sets to enforce them, or when I need to put them in place.

When you learn how to properly put in healthy boundaries in your practice, there will be a ripple effect throughout your life. Your relationships, your business, your health, and your happiness will all change for the better. In this blog we are going to look specifically at the top three healer boundaries to enforce in your practice.

1. Scheduling (the time boundary).

You have heard this one before, and not this way. Your calendar is a boundary for your life. Your calendar means that you have set time for seeing clients, time for managing your business, and time for growth and development. You honour your hours, all the different forms of them. This also implies that your practice time is not just filled with seeing patients.

 Now this being said, you get to make your own hours. My business hours are designed to work with my most productive times during the day. I will not see a client or a patient before 1 PM. I need my morning routine to set me up, to be the best I possibly can for the day. I only see people one: one on certain days. This reminds me of a story.

I had a referral from another health coach to help this client get over being stuck. This client was stuck and had tried everything. I agreed to do a Mindset Intake where I look at their unconscious programming. All this potential client had to do was book in at a time I had available. They said they were willing to do anything, and when it came down to it, they kept asking for times I wasn’t available.

The younger version of me, would have made an exception and opened another time slot up so I could see them. The wiser version of me loves my boundaries and knows that it is the client’s responsibility to come and see me when I am available. If they are not willing to shift their schedule to fit in their own healing, then they really aren’t ready to heal. They are just talking about wanting to be ready. He thought that in order to become healthy, it had to be convenient. That unconscious programming will only lead to minimal results and keep them stuck… the very thing they say they want to get over.

You see, by making myself available to suit the needs of my clientele isn’t healthy. It also doesn’t show them how to enforce boundaries. It allows old unconscious patterning to continue and makes my life harder; my work and family life suffer. When did it become the social norm for holistic healthcare providers to drop everything to heal the world?  Why are we supposed to work late hours to suit everyone else’s schedule and take time away from our families?

Time is one of the primary boundaries that needs to be enforced in order to create a balance in your life. You will build the ideal practice. You will be seeing patients who are really looking to heal and will prioritize their health. Welcome to the recipe of your dream practice.  

 2. Responsibility for Change (Energetic and emotional Boundaries)

We have all heard that the patient needs to do the work. It is their body and their life. We have the physical and mental boundaries around the responsibility for change. No one goes to their patient’s house and force feeds them healthy food. We know that it’s their life to do with as they choose. Most healers never got the memo for the energetic and emotional boundaries around the responsibility for change.

When a client comes in and says that nothing as improved…. Is the first thought that runs thought your head a variation of; “Crap… I must have done something wrong… why am I  not good enough to be a doctor?”

99% of healers do have those thoughts pop up on a regular basis. If their client is not getting better than that means that they aren’t good at what they do. This is an emotional response. You are also dropping down into your patient’s energetic field and taking on their hopelessness. That is a major boundary break for 2 reasons.

 Your patient is there to get better. Dropping into their energetic field is breaking their boundary, and you’re focus ends up being on your own pity party. They are not paying for either of those.

 Letting your patient off the hook for not seeing their own results breaks your healer boundary. You gave them an amazing treatment plan, why are they not following it? Who says that change had to be easy in order to make it happen? Are there gaps that need to be filled on changing their diets? You need to put on your detective hat and figure out where the client needs extra resources. Maybe a different dosage or supplement brand. This has nothing to do with your ability as a healer.

 The same is true when they are doing amazing. The client is doing amazing, not you. They are doing the doings and reaping the benefits. You congratulate them on all their work and manage your own emotional and energetic boundaries.

3. Calibrating on patient’s behaviours vs feelings (Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual Boundaries)

 How many of us ask how the patient is doing, and when they say they feel amazing we take that as a sign that our treatment plans are working? How many of us, automatically start revising our treatment plan when they say they are feeling crappy?

 Effective healers know that how you are feeling is irrelevant to your results. Happy, healthy and wealthy are sets of behaviours that lead us to sustained happiness, health and wealth.

 Have they effectively taken out gluten, or doing it only some of the time? Are they exercising regularly? Are they consistently taking their iron supplement? These are behaviors that will lead to sustained health.

 Being healthy also means that people will feel all their emotions. That is healthy. Unconsciously signalling to your patients that being in a bad mood means something is wrong, trains them that to equate sadness= unhealthy. Sadness is a biochemical signal to change something. It is a healthy response to many situations.

 Managing your need to make people feel better in your presence is about enforcing your emotional, spiritual and mental boundaries.

 Your thoughts need to be on what the client truly needs…. Not what is going to make you feel better about them being sad. This reminds me of another story.

 A woman came into my office and started to cry as soon as she sat down. She kept saying she was sorry, and this isn’t like her. She was trying to pull herself together. There are two typical responses in this situation; console her, or hope she pulls it together to do the session.

 My response was to gently question her beliefs. Why are you apologizing for crying?  Who told you that crying was unacceptable? How often do you let yourself cry? Effectively I am normalizing a healthy response in her world. My focus is completely on her gaining awareness of the unhealthy pattern she has been running. I am breaking an unhealthy belief that has limited her emotional health.

 If my focus was on how I felt, I would have immediately gone over there and consoled her. I would have given her advice on what was bothering her. That would have made me and her feel better. That is a short term fix.  Because my focus was on healing her, I allowed her to heal and become aware of deeper issues that run through her entire life. That has a massive impact.

 I then tasked her to change behaviours around crying and emotional expression. I gave her some skills and behaviours to use to bring her emotional body back into balance. Every time I checked in on her I was focused on her behaviours.

 Effective healers always calibrate on behaviours, and fill the gaps as they appear during the course of treatment.

 You can see how enforcing just these three boundaries will make a massive impact on your life, and your patients’ life. Notice it starts with you. You need to enforce your boundaries. You need to change your life before you can impact others. You get to be the change, and it requires a lot less work than you ever thought it would.

 Tell me your thoughts? What questions do you have? Let me know how this changed your life? Book a discovery call with me RIGHT NO